An Instrument I Wish I Could Play

While in high school and college, I spent quite a bit of time sitting in the trombone section of the jazz band, honking on the bass trombone. It was quite satisfying to blow low tones and anchor the brass section. And I had several opportunities to play in unison with my brother low-register specialist, the baritone saxophonist. This is how I fell in love with the bari sax.

A good bari player can really throw down a bass line. He/she can make it pop in the low register, rumble and growl, adding bottom to jazz, funk and rock music. A virtuoso baritone saxophonist can blow like Coltrane and Bird, but in the bass tone zone. There is a soulfullness to the sound of a bari - gruff, yet warm and it grabs me every damn time I hear it. And bari sax players tend to be a tad on the geeky side, which I really like. They aren't the movie stars of the music world.

I have a list of bari players that just knock me out -

• Gerry Mulligan: Gerry left us in 1996, and he was one of the greatest bari players in history. His tone was different - lighter and cooler than the typical rollicking baritone sax sound. He was bari guy on the Miles Davis "Birth of Cool" record. He played with Duke, Monk, Louis Armstrong, Chet Baker and Dave Brubeck. He put the bari in the jazz spotlight. Here is a clip of Gerry playing a wonderful old standard, "Satin Doll."


• Harry Carney: Mr. Carney was probably the first major performer on the baritone sax. He played Conn saxophones with a very large-chambered mouthpiece, which produced a huge, rich tone that most bari players try to replicate to this day. Carney ran away from home at the age of 17 to join Duke Ellington's orchestra! Wow! And he was one of the first practicioners of "circular breathing," a technique that allows a hornplayer to hold a note indefinitely. Check out this youtube clip and you will hear Harry's artistry and experience the incredible tension and release that the cicular breathing technique can create.


• Pepper Adams: Pepper was the "anti-Mulligan." Gerry was light and cool; Pepper was sharp and hot. They used to call him "the Knife" in honor of his attack and cutting tone. Pepper was a "hard bopper" and recorded with Mingus, Coltrane, Donald Byrd and a long list of other greats. He died of lung cancer at the age of 56 (which happens to be my age....). He played with a joyous ferocity that few musicians have ever attained. Here is a clip - wonderful stuff!


• Ronnie Cuber: This guy is still alive and kicking ass! He can do it all - harp bop, soul, funk and every damn thing. In addition to playing with stars like Joey DeFrancesco (Hammond B3 organ superstar), Randy Brecker, Maynard Ferguson, and Lee Konitz, Ronnie has also played with a bunch of pop stars seeking that magical bari sound, including Paul Simon and Chaka Khan. I love this guy - he looks like a paunchy accountant, but he is one of the funkiest horn men alive today! Check out this clip...
  
  
• Stephen (the Funky Doctor) Kupka: Doc has anchored the Tower of Power horn section for almost four decades! Imagine that! He introduced an entire generation to the robust bass honk af a well-played bari sax. He was a soulful, nerdy white kid back inthe 1970's; he is a distinguished-looking senior playa now. I still can't get enough of this guy - he has anchored TOP and defined its sound since its inception. Doc is a section player - not a soloist. And that is cool - here he is with TOP on the Letterman show some time back.
  
  
• Dana Colley: Dana is a bari guy that nearly achieved rock superstardom. He was a member of the odd-ball power trio, Morphine, in the 1989-1999 period. The instrumentation was electric bass, drums and baritone saxophone. This band was led and driven by the late, great Mark Sandman (bass and vocals); Mark died of a heart attack on stage in 1999. Dana played some amazing bari and opened a new frontier of the baritone sax as a frontline voice in a rock/pop context. The music was incedible, rumbling with funky darkness down in the bass register. Even Sandman's voice was a baritone-bass instrument. Here is a particularly mesmerizing tune by Morphine, recorded in a small club - wicked!!!

I could add many more names to this list. Here in Chicago, we have a few local Baritone Sax Studs - Bob Centano is the guy that leaps to mind immediately. Bob plays the entire range of woodwind instruments, but seems to spend most of his time on the bari. He is no spring chicken - well into his retirement years. Bob worked in the Federal courts - clerking for Federal judges was his "day job" for many years. He is back to being a full-time musician in retirement. He also leads a big band around the Chicago area, and it is an excellent ensemble. Bob's playing is deeply soulful and full of surprises.

I am always amazed when a talented musican plays a big, intimidating instrument like the baritone sax and generates such marvelous sounds. I wish I could play that damned bari sax!

More Randomness

I just finished reading a good book that was published in the late 1990's, "A Beautiful Mind." As you might recall, this was the story of John Nash, the genius mathematician who was also suffered from paranoid schizophrenia (the movie version of the book starred Russell Crowe). Dr. Nash miraculously was able to recover from this debilitating condition, and committed no violent acts while he was struggling with the malady. Young Jared Loughner of Tuscon AZ was unable to control his diseased brain, and he committed mass murder and grieviously wounded Rep. Gabrielle Giffords.

Nineteen people were shot; six died. The confluence of random events that brought these people together are boggling to consider. One generally doesn't worry about being murdered when heading out to an outdoor event hosted by one's local congressperson. It is a very rare occurence.

Chicago Blues Fest Might Cost You This Year

This is a shot of me and Piano Willie at the 2005 Chicago Blues Festival (photo by my friend Alex Cuevas aka Big Alex). This event has been the largest free blues event in the world (I think) for many years. I just caught a press report that the City of Chicago is thinking about out-sourcing the management of all of its free festivals (including the music events and Taste of Chicago). Here is a link to the Sun-Times article on this situation.

Remember what happened to parking fees when the parking meters were privatized in Chicago? Well, the same deal will be struck on the festivals. No more free blues, folks - at least $10/day for the Blues Fest (and the Jazz Fest will charge admission, too). The city's finances are so messed up that it is willing to kill off some of the things that contribute to Chicago's civic excellence. The Blues Fest is still a bargain at $10/day, but of course the attendence will drop significantly. The size of the event would therefore have to be cut, the number of big-name acts would decline and a spiral would begin. I suspect that it would be the beginning of the end for the Chicago Blues Festival - it would eventually shrink away to nothingness. I hope I am wrong and that privatization will improve the Blues Fest. SummerFest in Milwaukee charges admission and it does well. But Summer Fest is huge and covers all types of music - it isn't a niche event like the Blues Fest and the Jazz Fest.

Of course, the lame duck Daley administration is moving so slow that the entire festival season is at risk. No acts have been booked yet, so I hear. Without privitization, there may be no festivals at all.

These festivals lose about $7MM/year. It would be nice if the foundations in the Chicago area would fill the gap so this civic treasure could be maintained. If it goes private, I fear that the Chicago Blues Fest will end up dead.

Society for the Preservation and Advancement of the Harmonica

We humans like to flock together in groups that are organized by passionate interests. Bowling leagues, book groups, trade associations, fan clubs - the list is very long. One such sub-group is the Society for the Preservation andAdvancement of the Harmonica, or SPAH. Every instrument has at least one organized group of passionate players/admirers. There is the International Trombone Association, the Guitar Foundation of America and, of course, the Ukelele Guild of Hawai'i ("UGH" for short). I have not hung out with the members of all those groups. I have hung out with the members of SPAH, because I chew on the dang tin sandwich (translation - I play the harmonica).

So the members of SPAH roughly break into three groups:

1. The Traditionalists: These folks are trying to keep a dying musical tradition alive - the harmonica group. The basic traditional harmonica group is a trio - a chromatic harmonica player that carries the melody, a chord player that provides "rhythm" harmony backing for the lead (using a three-foot long instrument), and a bass player that honks on the harmonica equivalent of a tuba. If you are old enough, you might remember the Harmonicats - that is the musical style that the Traditonalists treasure. It is damn hard to play this type of harmonica music. It harkens back to the vaudeville era - harmonica bands were big in the 1920's and 1930's. As you might imagine, the Traditionalists tend to be a bit older than the average SPAH member.
2. The Blues Crowd: I fall in this group. Playing mostly diatonic harmonicas (small 10-hole instruments), these folks worship Little Walter Jacobs, Big Walter Horton, Sonny Boy Williamson II, George "Harmonica" Smith, Kim Wilson, Junior Wells and the rest of the folks that made the harmonica sound part of the American pop soundtrack.
3. The Monsters: These are the folks that have become true masters of the harmonica and all of its possibilities. Most of them play jazz, but there are also classical monsters and Irish music monsters. Howard Levy, Toots Thielmans, James Conway are three players that come to mind that fall into this category. Howard Levy is a terrifying player - he must have sold his soul to the Devil to get the wicked talent that he displays on the diatonic harmonica.

SPAH has one major blow-out every year - the annual convention. The 2010 event was in Minneapolis; 2011 will be in Virginia Beach. I have only attended one of these events. They are really quite remarkable. The top players hang out with the beginners and teach, provide tips and encouragement. This would be like the Major League Baseball All-Star Team hanging with the softball team sponsored by Joe's Bar & Grill, providing companionship and coaching. People tend to stay up all night for three nights straight, blowing harmonicas and acting strange. It is a gloriously joyful event.

Check out some harmonica music when you have a chance. Stevie Wonder is a great entry point. Dig into Kim Wilson of the Fabulous Thunderbirds. Chase down Howard Levy. You will be amazed.

2011

I suppose one of the signs of aging is length of one's New Year's celebration. This year, we were actively enjoying the last day of 2010 with great music (a performance of Beethoven's 9th) and self-care activities (family luncheon, sauna, massage, hot tub soaking). We were done before dinner time. I was mysteriously afflicted with a wicked headache, so I had to lay down for a bit until it went away. I arose at 10 PM, enjoyed a bit more family time with my wonderful wife and 2 youngest daughters, shared a champagne toast with my wife, and went back to bed. No inebriation, no noisemakers, no dancing, no party for this aging Boomer. I woke up at 5AM on this first day of 2011. It is very quiet here.

Those of us born in the mid-1950's are in the fat part of the Baby Boom demographic bulge. Our older brothers and sisters, born in 1946, will turn 65 this year, so 2011 will be the first year in which Boomers start to move into the "old age" category. This has been a large, messy, wonderful, terrible generation. I took a gander at the New York Times this morning and found this article on aging Boomers. It is fair to say that we are more egotistical and self-indulgent than past generations of Americans. As the Times said this morning. "The self-aware, or self-absorbed, feel less self-fulfilled, and thus are racked with self-pity."

When I am feeling especially important, or especially discouraged, I find it useful to consider the immensity of geologic time. The earth was formed around 4.6 billion years ago; the oldest stuff discovered on our planet are zircon crystals, found in Australia, that scientists estimate are 4.4 billion years old. Single-celled life forms emerged 2.5 billion years ago; it took another 2 billion years for shelled mollusks to show up in the fossil record. Arachnids ventured onto dry land about 430 million years ago; amphibians followed them 60 million years later. In the Permian period, 248 million years ago, the Earth experienced its largest mass extinction ever - 95% of marine species and 70% of land animals were wiped out (the suspected cause was rapid climate fluctuation). Dinosurs died off 65 million years ago; hominids descended from the trees 6-8 million years ago. Modern humans appeared in east Africa about 190,000 years ago and began venturing across the globe about 70,00 years ago.

So we humans are a blip, a successful species that hasn't been around for very long in the grand scheme of things. The joys, ambitions, fears, dreams and disappointment of an individual human are quite insignificant when measured against the scope of our planet's life. We are simply creatures that live and die. Our big brains force us to think too much about the details of it all.

So 2011 will unfold, a blink in goelogic time, and we humans will focus on the daily crush of events and thoughts. Let's try to focus on one over-arching concept - it is a joy and a privilege to be alive.

Happy New Year.

Thinking About Songs

Song-writing is often referred to as a craft, not an art. That makes sense to me. There are rules that you can apply to constructing a song, and a good song is usually a brief collection of words, carefully chosen. Songs have verses and choruses. They often have two contrasting sections, the theme and the bridge. They have "hooks" that repeat and grab the listener's attention. All these components can be studied and, with effort, mastered. I have also heard that there are many more sad songs than happy songs - sadness generally contains more drama and conflict than happiness, and thus provides greater opportunities to grab and hold the listener's interest.

If you sit down and read song lyrics, they often are not terribly impressive. The rhymes can be obvious and a bit banal, the thematic material can be weak. Most song lyrics don't qualify as great poetry. But if those lyrics are combined with a well written melody and a talented singer, a magical transformation can occur.

Since this is the holiday season, we have been hearing for the past several weeks, over and over, some incredibly banal lyrics - Christmas songs! OK, some songs get a pass due to their long history and connection to the Christmas story ("Oh Come All Ye Faithful," "We Three Kings," et al) but others are incredibly bad ("Jingle Bells," "Frosty the Snowman," and the horrific "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer!"). But even in this wasteland of terrible lyrics and simplistic tunes, there are some gems. In 1944, Judy Garland sang "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" in the film version of "Meet me in St. Louis." Here is a video of that performance. This is a GREAT song - this version contains the original melancholy line "until then we'll have to muddle through somehow." "Merry Little Christmas" struck a chord with the Greatest Generation - they were fighting in WWII when this version of the song came out; it articulated the longing for home and hope for a more peaceful future.

Hugh Martin wrote the lyrics for "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." His original version was even more downbeat than the version that Judy Garland recorded. Here is the alleged original draft:

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas, it may be your last

Next year we may all be living in the past

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas, pop that champagne cork

Next year we will all be living in New York

No good times like the olden days, happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who were dear to us will be near to us no more

But at lease we all will be together, if the Fates allow

Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow

And have yourself a Merry Little Christmas now

So this song contains all the components of greatness - intense lyrics, relevent to the time and the audience, yet universally appealing to anyone who has been separated from looved ones during the holiday season. Great craft is at work here - notice the internal rhymes in the two-line bridge ("olden days...golden days," "dear to us...near to us"). And the melody is both memorable and beautiful - it contains slow arpeggios and artful modulations that take it outside the "Jingle Bell" zone of stupidity.

Hugh Martin is a member of the Songwriters Hall of Fame. It is easy to understand why.

Boxing Day 2010

On the day after Christmas, we are getting dumped on here in Chicago. We have big snowcakes on our yard furniture outside the window (full disclosure - the picture above is a random Chicago snow photo grab from a Google search, not my backyard).

This is Boxing Day, the traditional day for tipping service folks and giving money to the poor in Commonwealth countries. It is also known in some religous circles as St. Stephen's Day, or the Feast of Stephen - Stephen being the first Christian martyr. You might remember the words of the Christmas carol:

Good King Wencelaus went out

On the Feast of Stephen

When the snow lay round about

Cool and crisp and even.

We don't pay much attention to Boxing Day in the USofA. December 26 is "Exchange the Presents and Hit the Sales Day." But in this time of economic weakness, high unemployment and other tribulations, hitting the "alms box" with a little cash is more important than usual. Food banks are my preferred charity this year. This is a good day to make a deposit.

I just finished thumbing theourgh the Sunday New York Times; December 26th is also the day for the NYT's "Year in Pictures" section. From the deep tragedy of the Haitian earthquake to the giddy elation of the San Francisco Giants World Series championship, the images were well-chosen. Everyone has memories of the personal high points and low points of the year. Whatever your personal reality might be right now, the best path is the one that leads forward. For me, on this Boxing Day, my first step on my path forward is to resume my close personal realtionship with my snow shovel.

I know this guy...

I know this guy who can take a $25 harmonica, disassemble it, apply amazing focused skill upon it and transform it into a high-quality instrument - the harmonica version of a Martin guitar. He is completely booked by professional harmonica players; you can't hire him to build a harmonica if you aren't already a client.

I know this guy who is an unbelievably talented electric guitarist - blues, jazz, R&B, soul, funk, country - you name it, he can play it. He is a deeply intelligent and well-educated person. If you are lucky enough to convince him to play in your band, your band will sound 200% better. But he absolutely abuses his health; very overweight, diabetic and almost unable to walk these days.

I know this guy who will tell you that he was married for "29 years, 11 months and 21 days" when all hell broke loose. His wife read "Eat Pray Love" and that was that. It was not a nice divorce.

I know this guy who is a gifted business executive. He worked far fewer hours than most people in his industry - so smart, he could get it all done quick. He called out a borderline psychotic CEO regarding dodgy business practices and he received a massive severence payment (the CEO launched him; his contract paid out). He received options in his next employer, a very sleepy insurance conglomerate, instead of a cash bonus; a big European company bought the sleepy conglomerate and the options generated yet another massive payment. His good luck never seems to end. He is retired now, at the age of 54.

I know this guy who is a wicked fit, tall, military man, a captain in the Illinois National Guard, who has done two tours in Iraq and two tours in Afganistan. His hobby - raising miniature dachsunds.

I know a lot of unusual guys.

A very Bad Day For the Harmonica Community

Robin Rogers and Chris Michalek both passed away within a 24 hour period. I never met either of them, but I admired them greatly. Since I sing a bit and play harmonica, I can recognize great singers and harmonica players. Robin Rogers was a marvelous, traditional blues harp player with a gorgeous voice - a true blues singer. She has been fighting cancer for a long while and was told that her time on this earth was soon to end. She faced that truth bravely. Listen to this interview, if you dare. My heart broke when I heard it.

Chris Michalek did not have advance notice. He collapsed and died yesterday. I assume that he was a victim of heart failure. Chris was one of the top diatonic harmonica players on the planet. He was a master of blues, jazz, rock, funk -- you name it. He had nailed the overblows and overdraws that frustrate lesser players (like me). He knew how to properly amplify the instrument to turn it into a massive musical presence, driving the band. Here is a YouTube Video of Chris playing some awesome jazz.

Chris hadn't reached his 40th year. Robin hadn't reached her 54th year. Those of us who love harmonica blues and jazz are bereft. It hurts to lose hugely talented people.

Musical Ditch-Digging: Potbelly at Adams and Wacker, Chicago IL

The ultimate musical ditch-digging gig in Chicago is playing at a Potbelly restaurant. Potbelly is a chain of sub shops with a cutesy decor and "quasi-cool" demeanor. One of the touches - live music in most stores, usually a singer-guitar banger. Most of the folks that take these gigs are young, mediocre wannabees. For the past few months, I have been buying my lunch at the Potbelly shop at Adams and Wacker. It is a 2 story joint, and the musican's nook is on the second floor balcony. When I came in for my turkey sandwich today, I was startled - I heard good music from pouring out of the poor soul that was in that tiny nook on the balcony!!

Imagine this - you have a passion for music. You are a young, attractive female. You have a lovely voice, somewhere in the alto/soprano range. You are a decent acoustic guitar player and do a great job of backing up your own vocals. You have been breaking your ass writing songs and hoping to get attention from somebody, anybody. And you are playing a 3 hour solo gig for peanuts on the second floor of a sandwich shop and NO ONE is listening!!! Yes, my friends, this is called Musical Ditch Digging.

The artist at my local Potbelly was Starina Catchatoorian. I heard her play a few tunes, including a very emotional and sincere cover of the Beatles tune, "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away." This is a talented musician. She said that she was a bit tired because she was up until 3AM last night recording songs.

So if you like female singer-songwriters, check out Starina. Here is a link to some of her music. Think good thoughts about this striving, talented person.

The voice of Ron santo

The Tribune put together an MP3 containing snips of Cubs broadcasts. Ron Santo and Pat Hughes were a great team. And just listen to the humanity in Ron's voice! Chick here for the link.

Is it OK to grieve over someone you never met?

Losses, and the Cold

The cold air has moved into E-Town and the rest of the Chicagoland region. When the calendar reaches December 1, the serious chill hits. Tonight, we should see six inches of snow. I still have a few things to do to prepare for winter - turn off the pipes leading to the outdoor faucets, that sort of thing. The warmth and the birdsong and the flowers in Amanda's garden are lost, for a while.

I sat with an old colleague of mine recently, drinking coffee. I hadn't seen this guy in 20 years or so. I remember him as a big, handsome, fit Alpha Male. He is 65 now and fighting through his second go-round with cancer (he beat prostate cancer, now on to melanoma). The real estate investment firm he works for has delivered losses to investors over the past couple of years. He is moving reluctantly into retirement. He is still handsome, but he has a haunted look around his eyes these days.

And today we received the news of Ron Santo's passing. For Chicagoans with any interest in baseball, Ron was a brother, a fellow fan that wore his emotions on his sleeve. I feel like I have lost a family member, which is ridiculous - I never met the man. But I listened to him broadcast Cubs games all summer long for many years. It was a strange connection; impersonal yet intense. Ron Santo fought diabetes his entire adult life, lost his legs to the disease, yet he kept moving ahead and achieving great things while staying connected to everyday people. In Chicago, we grieve for our loss in this cold season.

The season will turn, the Christmas and New Year holidays will distract us, the flowers will bloom again. But for now, at the front-end of a long winter, it looks like a cold, cold world.

Goodbye, Stan "Sarge" Davis

The Chicago blues community has suffered another loss. Stanley "Sarge" Davis, owner of Lee's Unleaded Blues died of cardiac arrest on November 12. The funeral is today; I feel bad that I will miss it due to a business trip. Though I did not know Stan Davis well, I admired him greatly. He was a retired Chicago police officer, a genial man pursuing his passion for the blues after hanging up his service revolver. Lee's Unleaded Blues is one of the few remaining "true blues" clubs on Chicago's South Side. It has been around a long while - it was the Queen Bee Lounge in the 1970's.

So we have lost one of the unsung heroes of the blues world in Chicago. We can only hope that this great blues club will survive the owner's passing.

Who Gives Care to the Care Giver?

A few weeks ago, I had my annual check-up (I learned I am in disgustingly good health; nothing to whine about at all). I have been under the care of the same internist for many years. We have aged together; he knows all of my medical history. I don't have to explain my past to my doctor; I don't have to fill out forms. He remembers, and the things he doesn't recall are in my medical record.

As he poked and prodded me, he plied me with polite inquiries - "What's new? Did you have a nice summer? Any special plans for the holidays?" I answered, then turned the questions back on him. He told me that he just returned from Germany (my doctor is a naturalized U.S. citizen; born in Berlin). He also said that this was his first visit to his home country as a single man in 35 years. He told me that his wife died of cancer in June.....

As he shared this sad piece of news, he squared his shoulders and pulled his mouth into a straight line. I asked him how he was doing; he said "Well, I am working a lot - 14-15 hours a day. I get home, eat a sandwich and walk the dog. Walking the dog is the highlight of my day."

Then he caught himself, changed the subject back to my health. I gave him my card and told him to call me, come over for dinner. He was embarrassed, I think. He moved briskly through the rest of the appointment, shook my hand, and hurried out of the exam room.

He seemed to be radiating pain. He is burying himself in his work to avoid his grief. And I wondered - who gives care to this care giver? He didn't want to receive it from his old patient, that's for sure.

That meeting was over two months ago and I haven't heard from my doctor. Maybe today I will give him a call.

Randomness Rules

I woke up at 3AM this morning, worrying about various things. It is amazing how many topics generate concern in the wee hours! Since I was awake and needed to distract myself from my cares, I picked up a book that I had been reading off and on for the past few weeks and finished it. It is called "The Drunkard's Walk; How Randomness Rules Our Lives," by Leonard Mlodinow. Dr. Mlodinow is a physics PhD and teaches at Caltech. This is a very good book. Here are a couple of concepts that the author presented:

There is a view that is sometimes called "determinism" - the concept claims that the current state of the world determines precisely the manner in which the future will unfold. One outcome of this viewpoint is the belief that one's personal qualities/character lead directly to specific consequences. In order for determinism to be true, the laws of nature must dictate definite outcomes and we have to know all of those laws. We also need to have all the data necessary to describe the system, and can't miss anything -no unforeseen effects. We also need to have enough brain power (or computer muscle) to analyze this vast quantity of data and draw the right conclusions.


I am going on record right now - I repudiate, reject deny and vilify determinism! Whenever I hear someone say "Everything happens for a reason," I want to tear my hair out. No, things DON'T happen for a "reason!" Things happen due to random events, which are things that can't be foreseen. The best humans can do to manage their futures is to build useful skills and keep trying persistently to catch a break.

Let me illustrate this with a long story.

In 1988, a young woman got on a bus in downtown Chicago, heading home after her work day. On the seat next to her was the classified advertising section of the Chicago Tribune. The woman didn't generally read the Tribune, and the ad section wasn't full of interesting news, but she picked up the paper to pass the time as she rode home. There was a column of personal advertisements - this was the "pre-Internet" era; personal ads were all the rage. The woman had recently ended a long relationship, so she looked at the "Men Seeking Women" section; she got out her pen and circled two ads, and took the paper with her when she got off the bus.

Back in her apartment, the woman called her brother. "I am thinking about answering a personal ad. Listen to these two and tell me which you like best." She read the personals to her brother, and he said, ""Hmmm...Well, the guy in the second one said he is a father. You like kids; maybe you should answer that one."

Ten days later, a tired divorced guy got home from work. In his mailbox was a large envelope from the Chicago Tribune, containing about 70 letters in response to his personal ad. He opened a beer and sat down at the kitchen table to review them. Many were sad; from women that seemed desperate. Some were from lonely professional women - doctors/lawyers/executives. And one was from the woman on the bus.

The guy opened the letter and glitter fell out, all over the floor. "Excellent attention-grabbing device," he muttered under his breath. The letter was short, but well-written. And it was typed, so he didn't have to decipher sloppy handwriting. The woman from the bus included a snapshot. She was very cute. He sat and pondered. Then he picked up the telephone and called the number she included in her note.

We have been married for 20 years now, and our oldest daughter is applying to college. She helped me raise the 2 kids from my first marriage and we are working on raising the 2 girls.

Random Events: (1) Someone left the classified section on the bus. (2) Woman gets on that bus. (3) Woman happens to sit near the newspaper. (4) Woman decides to pick up the newspaper and read the personals. (5) Woman picks 2 ads from the paper. (6) Woman's brother recommends that she answers one of the ads. (7) Woman decides to type letter. (8) Woman decides to put glitter in the envelope. (8) Guy notices these two touches. (9) Out of the 70 letters, guy decides to answer the woman's letter.

Actions that the Humans Took To Manage Their Futures: (1) Divorced guy wanted to meet a new person and was having trouble, so he took out a personal ad. (2) Woman that just left a relationship wanted to meet an new person and decided to answer the ad. (3) Woman took the time and used creativity to make her letter stand out. (4) Guy had the courage to call a complete stranger and ask her out on a date.

One could say that my two daughters owe their existence to glitter. How random is that?

Fall in the Upper Mississippi, and Mitch the Ice Cream Guy

It hs been unseasonably warm in the midwest - over 80 degrees on October 10. We decided to leave Chicagoland and head out to the country to see some fall colors. With teenagers in the back and wife by my side, I pointed the Volvo northwest. After about five hours, we arrived in Ferryville WI. Our cabin was a few miles from the Mississippi River and it was blessedly quiet there. But we wanted to see the mighty Mississippi and the river towns. River towns always have been slightly disreputable - transients have rolled through for generations, looking for food, alcohol and hanky-panky. Ferryville is really small, but across the river is a somewhat larger town - Lansing, Iowa. The locals have almost scrubbed away the river town sleaze (except for a few grungy bars down by the riverfront). We saw an interesting establishment in a very old small commercial building. It was called "Wall-Marks Deli, Ice Cream and Antiques." We had to stop in, and we encountered a gentleman named Mitch - His handsome face is pictured above. Mitch served up cones to the teenagers and a chocolate milkshake for me - thick and rich.

I had a conversation with Mitch, which is recounted below. I am operating from memory here - did not tape his comments (or mine):

"This deli stuff is a new experience for me. I am a welder and a machinist; been working in the factories around here for over 25 years. I worked for a long stretch for a chemical company up in LaCrosse. I got laid off last year; the whole plant shut down and the production was moved to Juarez, Mexico. There were 850 people let go. Now I heard that the plant in Juarez is shutting down. They can't get skilled workers and the drug violence is beginning to screw things up. The plant might come back to the U.S. or maybe to China. I could care less, at this point.

So I got together with a couple of buddies and we opened Wall-Marks. You can see that there are marks on the brick wall outside from one of the floods that happened over a hundred year ago, so we used that to come up with a name. The WalMart people haven't sued us yet.

We opened in April, and like I said, I am new to the restaurant game. We had a good season; lotsa traffic. doncha know. With the boaters and the bikers, we did okay. I thought it would die off after Labor Day, but we have had a big rush of leaf-peepers, like you - I have met a few folks that live near you in Chicago. This is the peak weekend for colors. The bikers did a big charity ride yesterday, cancer charity of some kind. I ran out of a lotta stuff, we were totally slammed with hungry bikers.

We get flocks of Harley people all the time in this town; I really don't know why. They like the Sandbar down by the river. They do drink specials there pretty much every night. Sometimes it gets a little hairy. But most of the bikers are as old as I am and know how to behave. They like to stop in here for lunch and dessert. I think they like the meatball sandwich the best - "Mitch's Magnificent Meatball." Oh, sure, its the best meatball sandwich you'll find in the Upper Mississippi Valley.

I heard that some biker hit a deer last night. Killed the dear, but he walked away unhurt. Motorcycles and deer don't mix. We had another collision about a week ago - guy had his wife on the back of his Fatboy, hit a buck, his wife flew off and got run over by another Harley. Broke her pelvis, messed her up pretty good. I got rid of my bike about 10 years ago. Woke up one day and said to myself "What the hell are ya doin'?" Too much risk, man.

The missus and I moved up here a few years ago. We used to live in Prairie du Chien, about 30 miles south on the Wisconsin side. I was doing independent welding stuff for machine shops and such. We had a chunk of land up in Victory; its an unincorporated village about 15 minutes from here in Wisconsin. We had a trailer on the land and a utility hook-up. It was quiet and beautiful, a stream runs through it. Pretty soon, we were up here every weekend. I had a hard time going back to Prairie du Chien on Sundays. So a few years back, we sold the house, built a new place in Victory and came up here. I am really glad I sold my place when I did - couldn't have got the price now that I got then.

So I am scaping out a living here. We are going to close for the season on November 1. I will try to get some welding work to carry me through the winter. This isn't the life I expected. It could be a helluva lot worse, though. As long as the bikers and the boaters show up and buy stuff from Wall-Marks, I should be OK. I might have to work until I fall over dead, though - tough to save money with this type of working life.

I visited Chicago once; I ain't ever goin' back. I don't understand how people can live like that, so much noise and the crowds, traffic jams and such. Great meatball sandwiches, though."

Top Ten Reasons that the Harmonica is an Awesome Instrument

10. When played in a particularly shrill fashion, the harmonica will induce all dogs within earshot to howl lustily.

9. You can buy a good quality diatonic harmonica for well under $50 - this is the cheapskate's favorite instrument.

8. You can practice your harmonica while driving your car. Try THAT with a trombone!

7. A harmonica provides you with something to do while riding the elevator (although you might not want to play it when you have fellow passengers in the elevator).

6. The harmonica is almost as flexible and interesting as the human voice.

5. You can front a blues band if you can play the harmonica and sing a little.

4. Harmonica players can say that they play the same instrument as Howard Levy - although Howard plays the harmonica like no one else in the universe (he is a very scary monster of the harp).

3. Harmonica + a bullet microphone + a vintage tube amplifier = world's best contemporary musical sound.

2. The harmonica is a wind instrument that plays chords!!! Try THAT with a trombone!

And the Number 1 reason why the harmonica is an awesome instrument:

1. It fits in your pocket, so you can express yourself musically at any time. My trombone most certainly does NOT fit in my pocket.

Proctologist Defrauds Medicare

I know I should be incensed and angry about this story, but I am giggling over it instead. First of all, the name of the proctologist is Dr. Boris Sachakov (funny name). And he claims to have removed 85 hemmoroids from a single patient (Owwwwwww!!). Heee heee.

Here is the article.

The good doctor allegedly stole $3.5 million form Medicare. His claims would make him the busiest ass man in the country.

This guy is a true butt-hole.

The Next Gen

Here he is, folks - my grandson, Patrick Christopher Blackwell. He has taken a lively interest in the harmonica, as you can see from this picture. Pat grabs it, stuffs it in his mouth, and does the ol' huff & puff. That is how harmonica players start.

When I feel tense and stressed from my work or from other aspects of my life, some time with little Pat is blessed relief. He is full of hot boy energy. He runs everywhere and vocalizes with joyous abandon. He loves music and beats. He is too young to feel worried. He is fearless. I fervently hope he does not lose these qualities as he gets older, but he probably will.

A grandchild expands your circle of concern. I used to stew over what might happen in the next 70 years (the life span of my children). That has now expanded to 80-90 years now that Pat has arrived. Will life be OK in 2060? I will be dead and buried; little Pat will be middle-aged.

The Next Gen faces a world full of wonder and challenges. When I think back on the changes that have occurred during my lifetime, I am amazed. Pat will feel the same way when he reaches mid-life and looks back. What changes will he see, experience, perhaps create?

I am deeply thankful that I get to be a grandfather.

What mental illness can do

I was awake the early Tuesday morning - I got up at 2:30 AM to use the restroom and was struggling to fall back asleep. I was beginning to drift off when I heard a deep-throated "Boooom!" I popped up and said "What the hell was that?" My dear wife did not hear the explosion because she sleeps with ear plugs. I thought it was a lightning strike, but it wasn't raining. I listened for sirens and heard none. Then I thought, "Maybe I dreamt it." I went back to sleep.

Three hours later, I was heading to the cleaners to pick up my laundry. I noticed that Nichols Middle School was cordoned off by the police and the area was crawling with cops. That was weird. I thought perhaps that there had been some kind of bomb threat - the middle schooolers do that sometimes to try for a day off.

Soon, there were news choppers over head. I got my Blackberry to tell me the story - "Headless Body Found in Park Next to Nichols Middle School." The poor dead guy is pictured above - Colin Dalebroux, from Wisconsin. Unbeknowst to me, Colin was my neighbor - he lived less than 2 blocks from my house. I don't remember seeing him in the 'hood.

Colin apparently was struggling with depression. He decided to exit, but he did so in a most weird manner. He constructed a pipe bomb. He actually built two bombs. Then, he arose in the middle of the night and walked 3 blocks to the park next to the middle school He held the pipebomb to his neck and detonated it. Death was instant - and very nasty. His head and neck were gone. A guy found him at 5:15A M while walking his dog. The authorities closed the school while trying to figure things out. When the family surfaced, they said that Colin had suffered from depression since childhood.

Isn't it amazing what mental illness can induce people to do? How incredible - a clinically depressed guy musters the energy and skill to build an explosive device in order to make sure the world knows about his Final Solution. Weird, sad and sick.

Keep this 21-year old suicide victim in your thoughts. It's a shame and a pity.