Finding Lost Things

 

I am the guardian of a small, one-eyed black dog named Tai. He has been a fine companion through this horrible pandemic, usually cheerful and a very willing walking partner. We walk four times each day, including one long ramble through the neighborhood to our favorite local park. Tai has  been by my side for the past 8 years now, through the break-up of my second marriage, the move out of the marital home, and the myriad of crises that have arisen since the move. Yeah, he's just a dog and has no awareness of human foibles, but he comforted me. During this Covid-19 disaster, Tai helped me to stay somewhat sane.

The other day, Tai and I were on our morning walk. When we got back to the house, my keys weren't in my pocket. Damn! I must have dropped them while pulling the plastic bag from my coat pocket to pick up Tai's poop.  This was not a major calamity since I have spare keys, but it was annoying. I might have to change the locks.  I opened the house with my spare key, put Tai inside and started re-tracing my steps.  I had little hope of finding the keys. It was late autumn, and it was likely that the keys would be obscured by fallen leaves.

I was muttering under my breath. I had screwed up and now I was screwed. There is an alley that Tai and I often walk in the neighborhood - it's Tai's favorite place to drop a deuce.  I crept along behind the houses, eyes on the fence line.  I was on the verge of giving up when I saw something shiny in a pile of oak leaves - my keys!! 

There is no greater joy than finding something important that you were sure was lost.  The day seemed brighter and my elation lasted quite a while.

But of course, I did the same thing again a few days later. This time, I dropped the key to my backyard shed - a bigger problem because I had no spare key in my possession. I re-traced my steps to no avail. And then, yesterday morning, I was on a walk with Tai and a very good friend. I told her of my lost shed key.  She went into search mode, looked at the steps of a neighbor's house and there it was! So once again, I had that jolt of elation. This time, I was saved by my friend.

I have been married twice, divorced twice.  All my other relationships prior to and after my marriages also failed for various reasons that are  too boring and banal to describe in writing.  A few years ago, I gave up. I'm over 65 years old & retired now. I have a dog. I have hobbies. I have children & grandchildren. I have a few good friends. That's enough. I accepted that I had lost the chance to have a life partner.  I have given it the college try. I stopped looking for something I couldn't find.

Last April, I was taking Tai on his long walk through the neighborhood. I heard someone behind me call my name. I turned and saw a woman I knew from the local wine shop. Back in the years before Covid, we both went to the Friday evening wine tastings and we would chat a bit. She joined my dog & me on our walk that day and we had a pleasant conversation. 

And after a few months, I realized I had discovered another thing I had stopped looking for. This is unfolding day by day. I'm trying hard not to screw up or future trip. It's an unexpected chapter. It needs to progress without my efforts to guide or control it.

The past two years have been terrible for the United States, and the world. Covid-19 has killed millions. Trust in experts has faded. It appears that climate change is accelerating. Democracy is under attack. Violent crime is spiking.  But I feel hopeful. For me, something important that was lost has been found.

What I have Learned from the Pandemic

 

In April, I thought that the pandemic was over. It was a month after I received the J&J "one and done" jab. Vaccination demand was skyrocketing and the primary problem was getting adequate doses to satisfy the folks clamoring for their shots.  The United States went from a high point of over 300,000 new cases a day in early January of this year to under 3,500 new cases on July 4th. I started travelling again and went out to my local restaurants that managed to survive this terrible time.

It looks like I celebrated too early.  We had 108,775 new cases on July 26. The Delta variant is overwhelming the unvaccinated. When cases go up, so do hospitalizations and, eventually, deaths. We are closing in on 300 Covid-19 deaths a day, up from 37 on July 4th. These illnesses and deaths are all voluntary since they are occurring primarily among unvaccinated people. Supply of vaccine doses is no longer a problem.  There are no more supply chain kinks; there are only kinks in the brains of many Americans. They are choosing to believe things about vaccines that can be proven to be untrue.

I'm back to masking when indoors. I am also looking into adding Pfizer or Moderna to my system - the J&J jab doesn't seem to be as effective against Delta as the other vaccines.  I am in the risk group of folks - over 65 years old - so I am interested in bolstering my immune system.  But I'm lucky - I live in Evanston IL, where most people are fully vaccinated.  If I stay in the city limits, the risk is quite low. Covid isn't a crisis anymore for those of us who are vaccinated. It's the unvaccinated people that should be worried. But the kinks in their brains don't allow them to perceive the threat.

I went into isolation on March 12, 2020. I got my jab on March 12, 2021.  I learned a lot during this year + of loss and solitude.  I decided to make a little list.

• Death is right behind us, all the time.  It can be a microscopic virus or a drunk driver or a heart attack or a bullet. Remembering that death is coming for all of us helps me stay focused on the miracle of human existence.
• In addition to being inevitable, death is also random. I tested positive for Covid-19 last fall and had almost no symptoms.  A friend of mine (about my age) caught the bug and was dead in 10 days.
• We can't ignore our losses. I've lost friends to the novel coronavirus. My sister-in-law died during the pandemic (but not due to the virus). Many of my musical heroes caught Covid and died. I have felt numb at times. I need to sit with the losses, not stuff them down and seal them off.
• Great progress can be made in solitude. Sorting out the tangle of past events, finding ways to increase serenity and reducing the crazed "busyness" of modern life have helped me relax a little, finally.
• Grandparents are important. For parents of young children, this pandemic has been really challenging. When grandparents can step up and help with childcare and other parenting work, the pressure on mom and dad becomes more manageable.
• Humans are incredibly adaptable. I have spent a lot of time on Zoom video calls. The platform works well for certain types of interactions.  Technology and government fiscal policy saved the economy from a long, terrible recession. It has been amazing to see resources mobilize to fight this thing.
• Technology can't help us with one problem - lack of human touch and closeness.  A life without handshakes, hugs and kisses is not a complete human life.
• We should not let things go back to normal. I learned that I am more self-sufficient than I realized.  I also learned that I need other people and I need to extend kindness to friends, family and strangers. Self-sufficiency can co-exist with deep connection to others. The pandemic also exposed a truth that we like to ignore - that rich people/white people sail through crises that destroy poor people/people of color. We should not forget what has been fully revealed.
• When all else fails, play the harmonica.

And finally, the pandemic has helped me re-commit to staying in the moment. I am trying harder not to let little bullshit things piss me off.  Whenever I feel my temperature rise over some irritation, I ask myself "How important is this?" Almost always, the answer is "not important at all."

 

Pandemic's Crushing Effect on Live Music

 

The past year has been devastating. As of 8PM on March 15, 2021, there were 533,057 deaths from Covid-19 in the United States.  Healthcare providers are exhausted and traumatized by all the death.  Millions of people (myself included) are still sticking close to their homes and are quite isolated from other human beings. School children and teachers are struggling to figure out how to keep education going during the pandemic. The economy has bifurcated into a group of home-working professionals (they're doing fine, thanks) and everyone else (folks laid off due to the illness, forced to work at low-wage jobs with exposure due to the essential nature of their roles, etc.). Food banks are seeing record numbers of clients.

In the middle of all this is the live music industry. It has been crushed. I know this isn't the biggest problem when we ponder all the effects of the pandemic, but it is still significant.  Concerts and local music venues build connection and community. I am a huge music fan (and amateur musician) and I feel a little lost without live music.  My musician friends are struggling. Their livelihood depended on performing.  Yes, they have shifted to livestreaming and other methods to connect with their audiences, but it is a very poor substitute. The local venues in Chicago are getting killed, as this video points out.

I am so very pleased that the Biden Administration recognized this crisis and included $15 billion of relief funding for independent music venues and other cultural organizations (museums, etc.)  in the $1.9 trillion American Rescue Act of 2021.  This might be enough oxygen to get these important institutions to the other side of the Covid-19 pandemic. We are starved for the love and shared experiences these places and their passionate backers provide for us.  

I went to my last live concert at SPACE in Evanston IL on February 23, 2020 - I saw Howard Levy, the insanely great harmonica player & pianist. I can't wait to be in front of the stage with my music peeps again.