Wednesday, October 23, 2013
A wise person once told me that it takes three years for one human being to deeply bond to another human being, and that it takes an equal amount of time to successfully detach from that person. When a person cares deeply about another for a long time, that person blends his/her energies with their partner in the form of hopes, dreams, plans and expectations. Two people "couple up" and head down the same track.
When a relationship ends, the participants go through a process of individuation; de-coupling and rolling in different directions. If this has ever happened to you, you may remember the process of pulling back, trying to reclaim yourself and your evolving identity. You might remember feeling like a part of you is missing.
This is unpleasant. It can cause low spirits and significant distress. The longing for what is lost can lead to desperate thoughts, intemperate actions and hasty decisions that lead to regrets.
The way out is to focus on the parts of life that can be controlled - your own thoughts, actions and plans for the future. It takes effort and commitment to pull out of social isolation and regretful rumination. You have to accept that an egg can't be un-scrambled; a bell can't be un-rung. The sun keeps rising every day and you are still breathing. Things could be worse.
Learn, and remember - just get up every morning and give it another try.